When divorce becomes inevitable and the question becomes not "if," but "how," you should know that you have an opportunity to create a divorce process that leads to a more positive outcome for all parties involved. You, your spouse and your children will still be impacted greatly, but you can influence the manner and level of impact with the attitude you take toward ending this phase of your life and beginning the next. Read on for three steps toward a friendlier divorce.
1. Come to terms with the reasons for the split without placing blame.
Marriages dissolve for many reasons and seldom is only one party to blame. Feelings of stress and negativity are understandable, however, the emotional pay-off of punishment and getting revenge won't help either of you to heal and move forward.
Instead of reacting by trying to use the court system to get even, try to find ways to look at the ending of your marriage through the eyes of non-judgmental causes such as:
- Conflicts concerning jobs, health and infidelity.
- Differing views on life transitions. Life may be viewed as a series of development stages, and you and your spouse may be at different places.
- Deficits in the ability to cope with stress issues. Coping skills such as communication, how to handle feelings of anger and insecurity, decision making abilities, etc, are all skills needed to deal with issues that arise.
2. Take responsibility for your part in the break up. You can profit immeasurably by taking stock of how your behaviors led to the divorce. Identifying and correcting problem areas can help you grow and make better choices in the future. Try to ask yourself if you were guilty of these behaviors:
- Talking instead of listening.
- Keeping issues buried instead of discussing them openly.
- Dramatic emotional displays instead of quiet, thoughtful conversations.
- Allowing outside distractions to distance you from your priorities.
- Controlling, bullying, or being dismissive.
3. Use a mediator or collaborative divorce legal methods.
Divorce doesn't have to be adversarial, and you can choose a legal team that aims for a collaborative approach for deciding issues such as support, property and custody. To avoid expensive and time consuming courtroom situations, consider adding a mediator to your legal team to help work through issues and avoid court altogether.
If you can follow the steps above, you should be well on your way to better divorce, with less acrimony and negativity. You will find that employing these techniques will result in a less traumatic experience for all involved parties. For more information, talk to a place like Law Office of Jeffrey Dragon.